Will Herodotus write of me?

Hello to all my rabid readers, I apologize for being away from the keyboard for so long. First up a word, or two, about Meet the Spartans. Yes I watched it, and it has caused irreparable harm to my ability to revel in the straight to video DVD movie the way I once did. Before Meet the Spartans I could happily watch movies like Impact Point and find some enjoyment or entertainment in them. Now post-Spartans I find myself unable to go on if the movie stinks. The Spartans have defeated me they made a movie so unfunny and dull that it actually killed my sense of humour.

In light of the death of my sense of humour let us proceed to three films that showed me the young carefree Sean died that day at Thermopylae. 

1st- Diamond Dogs- Dolph Lundgren in Mongolia as a ex-special forces officer (of course). Really what's not to like. I could only bear 5 minutes of this movie. The voice over is terrible, the 'acting' worse, and the editing of the fight sequences unwatchable. 

2nd- Twin Daggers- strictly amateur hour it looks like it was made for a grand total of $2.78. Now a low budget does not equal a bad movie (for example  Primer, Clerks) but in this case it certainly does. I am an admitted sucker for martial arts movies but I had to bail out when the killer mime (that is not a typo) shows up to kill some vague mafia stereotype and laughs out loud. What made anyone think that was a good idea? The editing is so rapid and choppy during any action sequence you lose all sense of character and place. Bad bad bad.

3rd- Finishing the Game- the "mockumentary" genre is finished. This is about finding the next Bruce Lee so some film makers can finish "Game of Death". Not that funny guys. Justin Lin also directed a gritty first feature called Better Luck Tomorrow that was both praised and reviled for its portrayal of Asian American students and their foray into crime that quickly spirals out of control. Unfortunately Lin also directed The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift and is finishing production on the next installment of that franchise.

I will from now on be writing to you only about more serious and thoughtful film fare like Anchorman and Semi-Pro.

"Farewell, Adieu... remember me."-Master Thespian

Hi, hi, hi, Mr. Deltoid!

Recently I have been to the movies as much as I've rented.  I have hidden from the heat (or the rain depending) in the theatre for both WALL-E and Hancock . Each of these summer flicks is entertaining and enjoyable in their own ways.

WALL-E is one of the most marvelous and moving films I have ever seen. The animation is exquisite and memorable, the story is serious and grave yet weighs on you as light as gossamer. Be forewarned gentle viewer if you have a heart or any romantic sentiment in your soul the theatre will get a tad dusty. Again this is a 'children's' movie that dispenses with the overly glib and ironic pop-culture references (though there are a couple of nods to some classic sci-fi films sprinkled throughout) and let's the jokes stand alone within the context of the narrative. WALL-E is a complete joy to behold an amazing film. Pixar just keeps knocking them out of the park.

Hancock is an interesting film that seems a little confused as to what it wants to be. Is Hancock a super-hero blockbuster or intimate drama exploring the alienation of the outsider in a modern disconnected society. Peter Berg (The Kingdom, The Rundown, Very Bad Things) is a director with an interesting sensibility focusing the story on the human and emotional side and sprinkling in the action set pieces here and there. Unfortunately in the action scenes there is a heavy reliance on the CGI. When the special effects kick in it really becomes hard to tell what the heck is going on, if Berg had stuck to the action model he used in The Rundown it would have matched better with the narrative of Hancock. All in all Hancock is at least an interesting take on the idea of 'super-hero', but it will be a better rental than a night out.

This week there are a couple of straight to DVD movies to discuss. The first is in keeping with the super-hero theme Batman: Gotham Knight . This is an animated anthology made up of five smaller stories that take place in between Batman Begins and this summer's The Dark Knight. Each of the chapters is animated in a different style and explores different aspects of the Batman's character and personality (or personalities if you prefer). The first chapter tells a single story Rashomon style from the viewpoint of three kids and reflects several ways of looking at the Batman. I found this chapter the most rewarding and the animation style familiar it reminded me of the anime sequence in Kill Bill. I would recommend this to Batman/animation diehards only.

The second movie I watched this week was the lethargic and crushingly poor Impact Point. A stalker attaches himself to a pro beach volleyball player. The film is an excuse to showcase women in impossibly tight swimsuits yelling at each other. Now I am aware there are blocking schemes and signals used in the sport, but when they are not explained in the least it becomes an excuse to show close-ups of women's posteriors. Of course it does star Brian Austin Green for you diehard 90210 fans in a role that will surprise you or more likely disappoint. Simply put DO NOT RENT. Sometimes there is a reason a movie is released straight to video.

Finally, there is the film Charlie Bartlett. You may have missed this one when it came through the city theaters. A lonely kid just wants to fit in at his new school so begins selling prescription medication to the other students.  Funny at times but a little too precious, if this had taken a darker approach to the material a la Pump Up The Volume it would have been way more effective. The cast are likable and the film is just okay and at times comfortingly familiar, which may have been the point.

Let me know if you agree or disagree with my thoughts and musings.

Until next blog...

 Viddy well, little brother. Viddy well.

What do you mean it's not all Asian action films?

Let's get some of the new stuff out of the way first.

Drillbit Taylor- This stars Owen Wilson as a homeless deserter from the army who is paid by three dorky kids to be there bodyguard at school. The plot moves along exactly as we have all seen a thousand times. People meet. One of them lies about something. Deception is discovered. Friendship/Romance damaged. The liar has fallen for/changed their original position. Redemption. That is not to say the movie doesn't provide some laughs along the way. A right down the middle movie, not great not terrible just there.

Vantage Point- The assassination of a President...or is it? The movies clever little conceit to show us all the action and pieces of the plot simultaneously gets tired the second time we see it. The characters have no motivation for their actions. Matthew Fox I'm looking at you. It's like 24, but not as good. Some of the action is well shot, but the story is poorly told. Characters appear out of nowhere and then are gone (Sigourney Weaver I hope your cheque cleared. Is there no-one else who could have played the role of the news director for the whole 4 minutes she is on screen?) The film is a mess. Better assassination movies to watch instead JFK, The Manchurian Candidate (the original-not the remake), the classic Day of the Jackal even Shooter is a better watch than this.

So those are 2 of the new releases this week. Now I want to tell you about a film of only slightly older vintage.

Broken English- I watched this movie last night and was moved by Parker Posey's performance. Posey plays a disconnected self-sabotaging woman alone in New York. While at times the film feels like it is approaching maudlin something about Posey keeps the film anchored and watchable. Slowly we see Posey's various efforts to begin to develop meaningful relationships with people and in doing so get to know herself. The last half of the film takes place in Paris and reminded me at times of Agnes Varda's masterpiece Cleo from 5 to 7. Broken English is subtle, touching, and real. If your looking for something with a little more substance and intelligence than most romantic comedies (most, not all and don't mind a little darker comedy with your romance) watch Broken English. 

In closing "He's fat, he's a dork, and I'm awesome"

Sean