Will Herodotus write of me?

Hello to all my rabid readers, I apologize for being away from the keyboard for so long. First up a word, or two, about Meet the Spartans. Yes I watched it, and it has caused irreparable harm to my ability to revel in the straight to video DVD movie the way I once did. Before Meet the Spartans I could happily watch movies like Impact Point and find some enjoyment or entertainment in them. Now post-Spartans I find myself unable to go on if the movie stinks. The Spartans have defeated me they made a movie so unfunny and dull that it actually killed my sense of humour.

In light of the death of my sense of humour let us proceed to three films that showed me the young carefree Sean died that day at Thermopylae. 

1st- Diamond Dogs- Dolph Lundgren in Mongolia as a ex-special forces officer (of course). Really what's not to like. I could only bear 5 minutes of this movie. The voice over is terrible, the 'acting' worse, and the editing of the fight sequences unwatchable. 

2nd- Twin Daggers- strictly amateur hour it looks like it was made for a grand total of $2.78. Now a low budget does not equal a bad movie (for example  Primer, Clerks) but in this case it certainly does. I am an admitted sucker for martial arts movies but I had to bail out when the killer mime (that is not a typo) shows up to kill some vague mafia stereotype and laughs out loud. What made anyone think that was a good idea? The editing is so rapid and choppy during any action sequence you lose all sense of character and place. Bad bad bad.

3rd- Finishing the Game- the "mockumentary" genre is finished. This is about finding the next Bruce Lee so some film makers can finish "Game of Death". Not that funny guys. Justin Lin also directed a gritty first feature called Better Luck Tomorrow that was both praised and reviled for its portrayal of Asian American students and their foray into crime that quickly spirals out of control. Unfortunately Lin also directed The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift and is finishing production on the next installment of that franchise.

I will from now on be writing to you only about more serious and thoughtful film fare like Anchorman and Semi-Pro.

"Farewell, Adieu... remember me."-Master Thespian