In addition to these gems my brother and I selected a little known film called Transporter 3. I will be blogging this while watching this tiny quite and austere little drama. SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!
Opening Credits- 1 good thing-Martial arts choreography by Corey Yuen.-1 bad thing-Written by Luc Besson (Leon and Nikita aside).
First car chase- apparently edited by a spastic chimp trained to piece together a film as fast as it can so the handlers will turn off the electrodes. Although the cross cutting between the scene on the boat and the car chase is clever (well done Mr. Teeny... here's a banana). Both the car and the fish escape-get it-Take that The Godfather.
First Fight Scene-see above.
Villian- Mr.Johnson shoots henchmen to exhibit his willingness to do whatever it takes to get the job done. Stacy and I debate whether this is tough or ruthless. I say ruthless.
Quick Side Note- Good to see the Inspector back from the first movie, he has a certain bon vivant way about him I enjoy.
Thirty minute mark- The girl has already dropped her accent... oh, wait there it is... oh no gone again, the sad part is the actress is actually Russian. News-flash-The bad guys won't take no for an answer.
What do you want to eat conversation=within the next 30 minutes we will be doing it.
Hey everybody look a crazy genius who can immediately diagnose the secret weapon attached to our heroes wrist. This genius also lets us know that the internet can provide you with a lot of information....who knew?
Second fight scene... second use of his coat as a weapon.... bonus for all the ladies our hero is shirtless... repeat shirtless. The accent is back and she is just a little more attracted to our hero due to his fashion sense and ass whipping ability.
Hey everybody its the classic ringing pay-phone bit... only in the movies.
Donald Trump is a "great American". Insert joke about firing... clever.
Second chase- I'll try to capture its subtle nuances... edit edit edit edit pithy recall of previous line=hilarious.
Apparently the new way to film dialogue is just show people talking on cell phones.
Russians are gloomy a nation of Eeyores. Big reveal... she's not Russian, Ukrainian.
PS Drugs are bad. Middle Eastern music is a punch-line but rap is the music of free spirits and tough guys.
PSA from the producers of Transporter 3- It is important to stay positive and the best way to do so is to drink Vodka. So bottoms up!
Third Chase- Techno Chase remix BPM (beats per minute) =EPS (edits per second).
Stacy declares it one of the worst chase scenes ever. Oh wait Car on two wheels between Semis elevates it to just brutal. Broken arm for the guy shooting out the window-nice application of the Maverick Manoeuvre from Top Gun.
Exactly 30 minutes after the dinner conversation the Package (also apparently known as Valentina) "Want to feel sex one more time". Ah the timeless art of seduction.
Surprise! The package is the Minister's daughter... oh you didn't know that... sorry.
Did you know in Ibiza you "make holiday".
After sex exposition, is there any sweeter sweet nothing?
The blue screen drive into Odessa is one of the prettiest fake drives in the world.
Oh No A TRAP.... How can he possibly get out of this one?
Bad Guy looks like an Elvis impersonator who has been dead for a year, and the girl like Molly Ringwald if she was Paris Hilton's daughter.
Is this the end of the Transporter? Will his beloved car really be his grave?
Besson really came up with some slick MacGyver style why Frank doesn't drown stuff here. Highlight of the film.
Johnson's speech rationalizing his villainy is easily the shortest on record. Nope... here comes part II of the villain's rant... it must be a union thing.
Big dramatic conclusion approaching. Close quarters shoot out on train?-check,
Villainous taunts?-check, Impossible situation that the hero some how manages to rectify anyway?- check, Villain hoisted by his own petard?-checkity check! (Another quick note-if you like the idea of explosive compulsion devices check out Deadlock aka Wedlock starring Rutger Hauer)
Hooray bad guys lose and only slightly bad guy wins and gets the girl! Another triumph for the Transporter.
One last thing, when Frank jumps the car on to the train the first time, cheese. The jump between the two halves of the train is the fakest looking piece of CGI (specifically the overhead shot) the only way it could have been worse is if the car had been painted with 1's and 0's.
This one was better than the second but does not put the franchise back on to the level the first one established.
Better luck next time Luc.
S
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